This blog has gone untouched for two years. Many things have happened, because this is what comes with the passing of time. A lot of those things, though, haven't been anything I have wanted to think about, let alone write about. I have thrown myself into situations (and people) that have left me empty and exhausted. I have made plans from a place of love and hope that either didn't materialize or just flat out backfired. I have spent a lot of money and time that have all vanished into the ether. I have floundered, suffered a breakdown, and trudged along, trying to learn from my choices (or mistakes, if you prefer).
And he were are.
Things seem to be improving lately. I am starting to feel the tiniest bit of hope about the present and the future. I try not to beat myself up too hard for what has happened in the past, but I still have my moments. I have learned to be more forgiving of the things I have done, and hopefully one day I can get to the point where I am able to forgive myself as easily as I forgive others. I am making plans to do things, to see people, to go places, and to try and be the me that I haven't been in a while. I am learning to be still and just... be. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes me being overly aware of my thoughts, feelings, words, and interactions with others at times, but it is the price to be paid for personal progress.
I can do this. I've got this.
Ever cautious, though, part of me is waiting for that proverbial other shoe to drop. Here's hoping that whoever is in charge of all of that stuff lost the shoe and won't be coming back anytime soon.
